yes o yes

Paranoia and control issues lead to awful things. Censorship sucks. No YouTube? Banning blogs? For goodness sake Turkey, take a chill pill. Now the blog is up and running again... I will first say, Happy Halloween. 

Things here are great for me these days.... But today, I felt pangs of loneliness. And all thanks to a night that has turned into yet another American Hallmark holiday. I have never even liked Halloween. BUT today I busted out the orange tights in excitement. Too bad the stares orange stockings brought evoked more embarrassment than nostalgia. (nostalgia = the best/biggest candy bars of Linden and Burns Ave., dumping the pillow case and counting the goods, "You better have yur candy x-rayed!", glimpses into lives via front door, primary 

school parade, ghost costume, bustin-a-move in disguise, the crazies of Asheville, the buzz, belly aches.)

I love my family and that they came here. I love they loved visiting, as much as I loved having them. Isn't it strange for a 24 year-old and her parents and aunt to be in one another's company non-stop for a week and truly have an indescribably lovely time together? My fam must be strange, and too good to be true...

- Some places in the world are so rich in history and culture and 

wonder and magic that my vocabulary can do no justice to describe their existence. .... 

time of now & music of nineties

Dear Camie recently wrote, "time is both 'of the essence' and simultaneously set in stone. Today someone told me you never talk about time with a pregnant woman or a soldier... because you don't know how they preceive their time. Time deceives. Time flies in the company of some, while it drags in the company of others, and somehow stands still for moments of great magnitute. Time is on our side. Or is it? This force that dictates the world and you can never quiet get a hold of has been on my mind recently. This is why. 

-I am on duty 144 hours a week. So I suck the 24 hours that are solely mine for everything they got. My minutes hold more meaning. It is nice to appreciate time.

-I think there must be a place somewhere across the sea where music stays stagnant for a decade. And then Istanbul unearths these voices that will make associations explode for any true child of the 90s. I turned on the TV in my room for the first time two nights ago...(and it wasnt a 90s special). MTV was playing Un-break My Heart (Toni Braxton), Virtual Reality (Janiroquai), I Will Always Love You (Whitney Houston-Bodyguard), Because You Loved Me (Celine Dion). My friend put on Alanis Morissette, Jagged Little Pill, and thought it was a new album (it was the 2nd most sold album of the 90s). Yesterday alone I heard these songs on the radio... November Rain (Guns N' Roses), Under The Bridge (RHCP), and Runaway Train (Soul Asylum. And now in the last 20 hours I have listened to Runaway Train 34 times... ehhhhhh.

so.... maybe last night I too a little carried away with this whole 90s thing. No judgements please. If you smile remembering a few of these long-forgotten names, it would make my hour one well spent. And if this really get your blood flowing, you can listen to the 30 sec clips on Itunes. Its like, really exciting. Here we go.

tlc, no scrubs/creep  

third-eye blind- semi-charmed life

savage sarden- truly madly deeply  

no doubt- don't speak

boyz II men- end of the road  

melissa ethridge- I'm the only one

semisonic- closing time  

the fugees- killing me softly

barenaked ladies- one week  

leAnn rimes- How do i live 

presidents of the United States- peaches  

shawn colvin- Sunny came home

del amitri- roll to me  

k-ci and lojo- all my life

soundgarden- black hole sun  

blink 182- all the small things

dave matthews- crush  

fastball- the way

r.e.m.- everyone hurts  

salt and pepa- lets talk about sex

sisqo- thong song  

master p- make em say ugh

bone thugs 'n harmony- crossroads  

aerosmith- crazy

annie lennox- walking on broken glass  

janet jackson- again

brandy and monica- the boy is mine  

mariah carey- fantasy, dreamlover

10,000 maniacs- because the night  

dixie chicks- wide open spaces

spice girls- wanna be   

sir mix-a-lot- babys got back

b*witched- c'est la vie  

baz luhrmann- sunscreen song

vanilla ice- ice ice baby  

michael jackson- black or white

hanson- mmmbop  

chumbawumba- tubthumping

technotronic- move this, pump up the jam  

next- too close

the offspring- pretty fly (for a white guy)  

will smith- gettin jiggy wit it

gina g- oo ahh... just a little bit  

all for love- bryan adams, rob stewart, sting

ace of base- the sign  

green day- time of your life

sugar ray- fly  

brittney spears- .... baby one more time

cristinia agularia- genie in a bottle  

ricky martin- livin la vida loca

crash test dummies- mmm mmm mmm  

B-52's- love shack

69 boyz- tootsie roll  

freak nasty- da dip

hootie and the blowfish- i only wanna be with you

puff daddy- mo money mo problem  

puff daddy/faith evens- ill be missing you

whew. and onward... so...

at this time #1... I am feeling great after successfully fasting for Yom Kippur (see what i did to atone for my sins...haha) Also Shana Tovah to all. Lets make this new year a good one. 

at this time #2... I am anticipating my real home coming to my new home. My beautiful aunt and parents will be here next week!

great brother, sister, mother action shot

                           mama bear

 at this time #3... I am going to press "publish," grab my bag, and head to the Princess Islands for the night. City i love you, but nature i need you. 

serendipity?

Maybe Istanbul has less acid in the rain, or I always invite the change of seasons, but I think the heavens may have descended upon this city. As the heat takes a step back, and the bustle steps up, so do my tendencies to be forgetful and unorganized. But I'm not sweatin it, cause I feel those wheels of the world are aturnin and stirrin up some magic. I am encountering the small moments that create purpose. 

-The man on the metro who told me, "Get over yourself, just o

pen your mind and learning Turkish will come easily."

-Someone paying for me on the bus, and me paying for someone else on

 the tram.

-Recently wanting to speak with Americans. Passing them on the street unsure of how to initiate conversation. And then finally approaching two different groups with, " Sooo...... your American...." - Both were from OHIO!

- For kicks, buying tarot cards, and drawing the EXACT same reading the physic did before I came here.

-The 90 year old man blowing kisses to his faithful lady across the street as he boarded the bus. Smiling by his side as he rambled in Turkish for the hour. And falling in love with their love as he showed me photos from their first date in 1950... and the years following.

Last night, after writing this post, and two bottles of Raki, I walked straight onto the street and into the arms of Nitzan. My "boyfriend" from Israel (1.5 years ago) and my friend who I was with in Sinai (3 months ago). His old/current ladyfriend was by his side. I could go on and on about the dozens of reasons why to see him (w/ her) that day, at that moment, was such a coincidence. But com'n, we all know I could never do that. Because in a city of 14 million, a meeting like this could never be a coincidence. 

a mini Nitzan and a Molly head. Dead Sea. 2007

him rockin the rad Clifford hat. (that hat needed to get on the web)

LITERALLY life is this lazy in Sinai. 3 months ago. 

Pup.

We had a party. And then I almost became the party pooper. Right after Derin took this picture

she innocently pulled Pup from beneath my head. And now forever etched in my mind will be the ripping of his ear. And I will be forever grateful to the one faithful thread that kept it connected to his body. I leapt up immediately and let out an automatic, "OOO Nooo!" Derin smiled. And in a most precious voice that is higher than most she told me, "No problem Molly. Not real."

What!? Could she not see that I was in distress? I found myself at a loss of words when thinking of how to tell a 3 year old that I, a 24 year-old, really did think her stuffed animal was real...

Why is it that such strong attachments from with inanimate objects? Last night I saw why, as the day drew to a close and I held pup tight in my arms. I saw how I was holding onto much more than another something made in China. I was holding onto a pup that holds every tear and hope and fear and kiss and smile and insecurity and wish of mine for the past 22 years. Dreams of every night of my life have seeped into his veins and his blood flows with the life of the millions of Mollys that been have before the time of this picture... 

-So this, dear Derin, is what makes Pup real. And this is why upon hearing him being ripped open I also felt pain...

*Derin understood my explanation and made it up to Pup by being on my side for an epic stuffed animal fight, turned into keep-pup-away-from-molly. Two 14 year old boys outran and outsmarted us with every move.... our effort though was admirable... 

A New Era

has begun. Hallelujah. I am quite a funny Jewish girl. Ramadan hit me like a very good car accident. It is about finding a strength that sometimes is playing hide and seek, cleansing, feeling hunger and fighting temptation. Traditions of the world. The power of nations, and millions. 

Another reason my pulse is pulsing once again. The girls started school yesterday! My days are free, to do as I please. A year introspection and reflection are at my fingertips. I found a beautiful hidden sauna in the basement of the building. Days are a perfect combination of warm and windy... 

 FISH dinner (i.e.-first time ever eating a whole fish)

I think his morning was packed.... 

        Molly Poppins in action- Topkapi Palace

a tidbit

Why did this pop into my head today? - "cotton candy sweet as gold, let me see that tootsie rooooll....!" - well, why ever it did, it made my day. ... always good to remember bar/bat mitzvahs. 

You know here you don't wear shoes into the house.... so as I was wearing my friends slippers to go pee i looked down to notice "K.K.K." written in bold.... it made me kinda uncomfortable. 

grandmas cookın

Where İ am now:
- A totally Turkısh holıday haven on the Mediterranean.
- Thınkıng Amerıcan Apperal suıted me to feel just a bıt too skımpy ın my brıght red bıkını, wıth brıght red sunglasses just overdoıng ıt...
- By the sıde of the pool makıng defense mechanısms and the sılk of spıders a hands-on learnıng experıence for the lıttle ones - ı assume thıs ıs defınıtly not culturally approprıate...
- Sometımes wıshıng ı am amidst the incessant buzz of cıcadas, rather than the incessant buzz of power struggles.
- Seeıng strongly scratchıng, screamıng, spitting, and splahıng are four ss that ı simply cannot tolerate.
- Rememberıng why we had so many bırthday partıes at the Beach Waterpark. Waterslıdes are whats up.
- Apprecıatıng clımate control (ı.e.- AC)
- Fındıng solace ın sea stones...
- Feelıng ı am the only female ın thıs smokey fluorescent ınternet cafe. Creeped out by EVERY man around me who ıs 'chattıng' (wıth a lady ın a dımly lıt room, or sımılar ınternetcafe). serıously, who does that? no eye contact molly... no eye contact ....