molly poppins... from disneyland

morning

    

night

update now, eulogy later

Update: I threw my friends of the past week, cynical and transition, out the window. Now I am just thankful to have been transported into this America of the movies, obsessed with material and having babies. Because once Molly Poppins is rockin, she is rollin... After indulging in retail therapy to the max, and blowing almost 500 in 3 hours!(?) I am feeling sweeeeeet.

~Chatting it up with the moms at the pool. They are as inquisitive about me, as I am them... eventually most of them admit they want to know everything so they can vicariously live though me.  - Sometimes I say things like, "I just wan to marry a rich man so I can buy everything I want!" They assure me, "Honey, it's the best." I knowingly nod, but don't tell them for my best I believe  I will need a bit more.... - Most of the time though, I attempt to tell them of my truths in the most tasteful and tactful ways possible. In response to, "So did you go to college?" you seriously must choose your words wisely to make sure Warren Wilson gets the respect it deserves. 

~I am workin those valet boys, and only through showing my naivity(notaword?) of this culture (in a slightly charming way).

~I am friendly with the waiters and front desk people, and even the grocers. 

~Also, the complexities of a young girls mind is endless, and when you put four of them together... wowaee! - I feel privileged to be working so close to these growing minds.

So now I am thinking of the chicken and the egg. Did I create positive change through a conscious decision... or did getting settled and making connections allow me to feel the good? These age old questions of life.... 

    

vomit #2.

Vomit #2. A bunch of little ones....

~Flying in the sky with white table clothes and three course meals is quite something... I think everyone in life deserves this treatment at least once. The girls and I were equally excited.          

~23 hours later.... land of the free. home of the brave! ... or ... Orange County. I've been keeping my eyes peeled for Lauren and Lo, Hiedi and Spencer, but I guess they are in The Hills. ..

~So I am home, but this culture is of the strangest of countries to me. Where is my America?

~No adjustment time here. Divin straight into it all. Hello English, fine dining, valet, and desperate housewives. 

~It is an unending point of fascination to be on a family vacation with two families, neither of whom I knew even a month ago.

~It is great to be with the girlies here. Out of normal contexts and comfort zones, we are only left to build trust. Yesterday I was able to take the little one to the toilet and brush her hair all day long without a fuss...

~ The other night the four girls and I got room service and it was so great. Then we had a pillow fight. I forgot how awesome pillow fights are....

~Working any job for 24 hours a day is utterly exhausting, kinda crazy, and somewhat depressing.

~To work for a family you must posses great strength, and almost no ego....

~My butt is getting whiter, which means I am getting tanner....

~Something just seems wrong about kids of leashes. Domination! Yeah!

~It is nice to see diversity. And interracial couples.

~It is nice to see familiar clothing stores. It is not nice to not be able to walk into them. torture in fact... a n t h r o l o g y . . . . a m e r i c i a n a p p e r a l . . . . .u r b a n . . . . g o o d b y e . . . 

~ I realized I don't need to approach strangers with a stupid smile and over exaggerated hand gestures, in hopes they will respond with a smile too... I can just speak English. 

~Now that I can eavesdrop again, I remember how much shit people talk.  

~The first day we arrived to the resort/club to learn we had just missed Obama by minutes. So... YES I CAN! say hearing this was about the most hopeful and appropriate welcome back to America I could receive. 

~ They don't have kale in Turkey. Holy Moly. ... I love kale. And beets. Pickles, tortillas, Tortilla chips, salsa, broccoli, Annies mac&cheese. They changed the packaging of Earth Balance. And have dark chocolate (and white) KitKat bars. Do you remember these!?

~I often think of/feel temptation. I am letting it win with ease as I stuff more fine food into my poor little body than I thought possible. .. and sometimes it is not so fine. Like right now... Apple Jacks. And 5 minutes ago... KitKat bars... And 5 minutes before that... gummy worms. shit girl.  

~Anyhow. I fully understand how boys like Thatcher, Brody, Baker, Luckie, Dex, Conrad and Hanky can be so ridiculously attractive at the ages of 4, 6, and 8. Their dads picked them up from swim lessons. Omigod.

~ We went to SeaWorld yesterday and saw some pretty sweet shows... but. I want to say thank you to all the creatures who are forced to live a life of captivity and stardom, and share with us human folk all the power and beauty they hold.... 

~Last night I dreamed I met these woman who created this incredible book... But it was MY dream. So really I am the one who wrote the words and illustrated the pictures. I love it when my sleep surprises me.... 

in the end.

We focus on the end. The test score, the diploma, the marriage. Forget the process to make the food, the art, the person.... So, you know, I will keep in line with my culture and focus on the end too. The end of email. It is where the heart is. The whole letter, or the whole person, or the whole relationship can be felt in just these last lines. Do you put your care into your byes and let your friends know you love them?..... these people do. (the cheesier and the more small animal references the better...)

1. Thank you so much for writing, and for loving me exactly as you do. You are so perfect for me. kisses...

2. You take care, burn and learn, you stardust girl!

3. The night will be ours! Love Love Loving you!

4. Anywho's, hit me back and you know I ain't gonna read some blog shit... damn, girl!

5. Look to the mountains, raise your arms and lift your face to the breeze, think of all those you love and are loved by, are feel the earth pulse.

6. I love you dearly Miss Cerry Pie. You are my little bean. Write when you can. You are in my thoughts and heart.

7. Know that we hold something very special in our palms that sometimes feels like we are engulfed in. Tell me of your life. I love you.

8. Precious, I so do feel your absence.

9. I love you way beyond all measure..... (mom)

10. Remember if you write a wild and crazy blog, it will cost you a job one day! Be careful Rathead!..... (dad)

.............................................

Also. The end of today - My frustration spilled, tone hardened and motions became abrupt. Then I was questioned about everything that I am. With the mother as the translator, the 6 year old asked me a series of questions to determine whether I really had a good heart. - What was I feeling on the plane? What did I think when I first saw them? Will I  really stay for a year? Do I actually enjoy playing with them? Am I nice to most people I meet (even if they are strangers)? Do I think my heart is good or bad? ... ... ....

(in less than two days we will be flying to America. Yesssssss! Newport Beach here we come.... - I will get things organized now.... so I bid you farewell and send you a sweet lightening bug to fly to your finger. He will whisper instructions to you that you are to gently place him in your pocket and save him for when you need his backside most. He will also tell you a secret of his, and that you are wonderful........)

crash.

My body has taken charge of telling my mind of realities it does not want to see. These past weeks have sucked away my power to write. Exhaustion, a (1st) panic attack!, vomiting, diarrhea, and over-eating took hold. A pissed body equates an unsettled mind in my book... so these days I have been busy questioning/justifying this reality I have created. - From the beginning my mother told me it takes time to settle into a new life, and it is only natural to be scared. I was quick to assure sure I really wasn't scared. Well whatever I am, this is a drastic lifestyle change and it will take time to adjust. And as my father told me, this will just be the first of many ups and many downs. Expected in life, and certainly in travel. Heres a cheers to upward spirals and inspiration.

It was Independence Day and I didn't even know it. Time to find Americans and celebrate. Day off #2 surpassed day off #1 with flying colors.... and not just because it was he 4th of July. I found Nicholas Fritzhand (from Wyoming(Ohio)) and new friend #3. Contact with the familiar brought me much needed comfort and pumped me back up. Vodka injected watermelon set the tone of the evening, and my laughter carried me till morning.... 

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Of course it is not politically correct to say all Mexican men look the same, or Chinese people look like Japanese people, or you can't tell one black baby from another. But I will tell you, Muslim woman with sagging breasts, oversized cardigans, floral shirts, and different floral headscarves all look the same to me.  But I like to their first kiss, simple pleasures, births, tears and troubles, hearts, souls and stories, and know that they are all so different. 

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I will also post this video to show I really am quite all right. 

24

Day off. Number one. It was a long day so it is going to be a long post...

I sat on the bus with a tiny leaf and a tiny flower pressed in between two fingers. I always do this, and it always makes me feel a bit more grounded. I smiled to the people who must not see this often. (Why the hell does this girl have a small stick in her hand?) I also smiled to realize I feel the lightest I have ever felt... no major pressures of life- school, work, boys, future, my mind. 

Time to be a tourist and hit the big ones. Hagia Sophia and the Blue Mosque. I was impressed. But feeling like cattle never feels nice, and after a few pictures i was ready to get out of there.... 

I slept on a street that was 100% fueled by the tourism industry. The restaurants and shops are at the heart of its existence, and so are the men who run them. I watch how these men agitate people so, but I took to working with them. Shake hands firmly, smile warmly, direct eye contact. "Hi, my name is Molly. I am from the US. Your menu/cheap junk looks great, but really I am not interested." As you maintain eye contact you see your words are not of such importance, as your eyes do all the speaking. "We both are in this same game of life. I respect you and your profession, but really, please let me pass in peace." Generally, it works. 

After a lack on sleep pulled me deep into dreams, and I watched men catch (puny) fish,               

and eat apricots and pears, and got lost and redirected by a whole village, and read and wrote for hours, and drank three pints of free beer (didn't take cards..opps), I met my first friends of Istanbul. - I knew they were good guys because I was watching them for hours. They sat with their legs crossed, focusing on each others words, and you could see their sincerity through their smiles. They are pharmacists. They are playful and intelligent. 

Suha is on the right. And I cant remember the name of the one on the left, but I couldn't remember (or pronounce) it all night. I do think it has an M, F, and A, in it though.

Istanbul has a killer, and I don't use this word lightly, nightlife. Really. Mayhem. While going to and fro I spent the night arm and arm with an Australian girl. We talked girltalk and laughed girlylaughs and I realized how much I miss having girlfriends. At least for this one night it was fulfilled.

In the morning I saw this couple.....

I walked behind them for a long while and never once did they let go of each others hands. Take note of this handhold. Not the classic one. Or the laced one. It is a special one. An I am falling madly and deeply more and more in love with you every moment, and can't bear to let our fingers fall away one.... And I thought when I am their age, I hope I still hold hands like this... 

As I was getting onto the tram in the morning I got a phone call. Hop in a taxi and head over to a nice hotel for a wedding brunch. Ok, fine with me. I applied make-up in attempts to hide the lack of sleep and alcohol. I changed my top-shirt trying to look at least acceptable... and was just thinking, "Wow, I could really get used to this lifestyle," Then I noticed the driver was holding himself. His p_ _ _ _ was fully e _ _ _ _. So I tensed up, and then turned to the right trying to focus on the breeze and the Bosporus.  ...